


My Hogwarts Letter

by kiwigirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Self-Insert, Self-Insert Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6830128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwigirl/pseuds/kiwigirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It finally came, eleven years late. But is going to Hogwarts really as simple as all that? A rather introspective look.</p><p>Written for Tumblr's <a href="http://that-vicious-vixen.tumblr.com/post/142608476206/self-insert-week-2016">Self Insert Week 2016</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I always wanted to get my Hogwarts letter. This started out as pure wish fulfilment until my logical side got caught up in the complications. The story will be in three parts and is mostly all done so the next part should go up tomorrow.

I stared at the envelope in my hand. Spidery green writing spelled out my name and address on the front, and the seal on the back bore a familiar crest. “Mom, I think my Hogwarts letter came.”

“It’s a little late,” she replied, flicking through the rest of the mail I’d handed her. “Seeing as you’ve almost finished your degree. It’s probably marketing.”

I fetched the letter opener and gently tore open the top. Inside was a folded piece of – there was really no other word for it – parchment. “If it’s advertising, it’s an expensive campaign,” I told her.

The letter inside was addressed to me.

_We are please to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_We apologise for the lateness of this letter. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the records of prospective students born in the nineties were lost and it is only recently that we have devised a method to rectify this unfortunate circumstance._

_Term begins on September 1. If you have any questions, a representative of Hogwarts will be available at Taniwha, located at the entrance of Cuba Right Bank._

_Yours,_

_Minerva McGonagall  
Headmistress of Hogwarts_

“Ooh Mommy, may I?” I asked once I’d finished reading it out.

Mom laughed. “It’s not like I could stop you if you really want to go. You can check it out, at least. They might be having a giveaway of some sort. But the address must be wrong; surely they mean Cuba Left Bank. I don’t think there is a Cuba Right Bank.”

I shook my head. “No, they probably got it right. I’m free tomorrow; want to come with?”

“No, I still have to work. You could ask Dad, he’s on leave at the moment.”

“Ask me what?” asked my father, who had just come in.

“I got my Hogwarts letter,” I told him. “You know, from Harry Potter, only it looks like it’s real.”

“It is real,” he said. Mom and I both stared. “My father, your granddad, his family were magical, but he wasn’t. That’s why he left home and joined the army. Did you never wonder why they didn't keep in touch?”

“Huh. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Would you have believed me?” Dad asked, and Mom and I exchanged shrugs. Yeah, we wouldn’t.

“So do you want to come and check out how they plan to send me to Hogwarts?”

“Why not?”


	2. The Store

We parked just outside Cuba Left Bank and I studied the brick wall opposite as Dad fed coins into the parking machine. Really, the location shouldn’t have come as a surprise. It was always covered with peeling posters for bands I'd never heard of and events that I would swear hadn't actually happened.

Beside the wall was a vintage store, one I'd never really noticed before. This particular store seemed more downmarket than most on Cuba Street, and I'm pretty sure Foxhole down the road didn't sell crystal balls.

We crossed the road, jaywalking as usual, and the faded letters above the door resolved themselves into a name: Taniwha, the sea monsters of Maori legend. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open.

The door didn't tinkle, or chime. It didn't buzz, either, which was a relief. It simply swung open smoothly as we entered, and silently shut behind us.

The woman at the counter looked up, unsmiling. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, I got this letter..." I dug into my bag. I put the letter in only this morning and already it was probably at the bottom. I pulled out a calculator and two diaries before I found it, crumpled but intact.

Her face smoothed out into a smile. "Oh, yes, the reclamation project. Come through."

She moved to the door, sticking a "back in 5 mins" sign up, before ushering us behind the counter to a small sitting room. The couches are soft and comfy, and Dad and I took a seat.

"My name is Miriam Davies. Now, are you Awhina, Jeanny, or Hannah?"

I blink. "None of them? I'm Lauren."

She consults a list and laughs lightly. "I'm sorry! You look younger than I expected.”

"I get that a lot. Side effect of being short."

"And this must be your father." She and Dad shake hands as he introduces himself, then settles herself on the couch opposite and offers us cups of tea.

"I take it you've read Harry Potter?"

I nod.

She sighs in relief. "The last boy hadn't. Made this a lot more difficult. Basically, it's true, if not all the specifics, and you have magic. If you want to train it, Hogwarts starts again in September; if not, we can bind it off and you can pretend this never happened. If you want to stop by and buy from us now and then though, that would be nice; the normal anti-muggle spells make business difficult, to say the least. Any questions?”

“Uh. Yes. First off, I’m kind of too old for school? And why Hogwarts? Isn’t there a school somewhere closer? And shouldn’t my magic have manifested earlier?”

Miriam nods seriously. “First of all, this is a Commonwealth country, so Hogwarts is still the magic school of choice, especially for English-speakers. If you had Maori or Island blood, you would have already received a different letter at age 12, but as you don’t, Hogwarts has precedence over the schools that are geographically closer. Unfortunately, due to an administration error in the Nineties, our records of muggleborn and out-of-country students were lost, and you are both.”

I broke in. “Technically I might not be totally muggleborn, but okay I get your point. The administration error wouldn’t happen to have been Voldemort, was it?” It was weird to say out loud, weirder still to be sincere, but Miriam’s jaw tightened in response.

“Indeed. He left the Ministry in tatters and we are still cleaning up. When we realised that many potential students would be coming into their magic without warning, wizards around the world cast a general depowering spell that channelled accidental magic into more mundane occurrences until we could track you all down and fix this.”

“Okay, okay. Still. I’m not 11 anymore. How is this going to work? Distance learning? Accelerated classes? I’m not sure I’m up for the whole mature student thing.”

“There are two options,” she explains. “Both involve a long-term de-aging potion that has only recently been perfected, making this possible.”

I raised my hand. “Hold up. Why do I need to be de-aged? Why can’t I learn magic as I am?”

Miriam sighed. “Magic is best learnt when young. It’s like learning a language. You would find yourself seriously disadvantaged against vastly younger students and this has shown to be extremely discouraging. Rather than mixing students of vastly different ages, we can de-age you back to 11. From there, you go straight to school and will aged up when you graduate in seven years time”

I screwed my face up. “I already went through puberty once. Not keen to do it again. And I’m pretty attached to my life right now.”

“We could use a time spell to send you back,” Miriam suggests. ”Either to when you were actually 11, or simply 7 years ago. If you went back in time, it would all be here when you got back. In effect, it would be as if no time has passed. This does make this a preferred option, but it requires more careful planning and certainly no meddling with the timeline.”

“That sounds unnecessarily complicated,” commented my dad dubiously, and I couldn’t help but agree.

“Ok, but seven years ago, I didn’t have Facebook. I know, I was behind on the curve, but I did have Bebo! But anyway. Not that I need Facebook, I think, but it’s the principle of the thing. When I was 11, I didn’t even have a phone and honestly I’m not sure I could go back to those days. I’d miss the internet in my back pocket. Like, I’d love to learn magic, I would, but I’m not sure that it’d really work. I have a life right now, and I love it. I don’t think I can give it up. ”

Arguments I hadn’t even thought about were spilling out of my lips, and with every word, Miriam looked more disappointed. “I understand. Well, you have until September to change your mind. If you still feel this way, we’ll get your magic bound off permanently.”

I bit my lip, but nodded. “Okay. Thanks for the tea.” Grabbing my bag, I stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn you, mind, for being so logical!


	3. The Text

I swung my bag back onto my shoulder with a sigh, and made my way back outside. Sixteen years I’d wanted this moment, and now that the opportunity had presented itself, I was turning it down. I almost had a degree and a grad job lined up: how could I go back to high school, no matter how enticing? And time travel… part of me wanted to go back so desperately I knew it wasn’t it a good idea.

Just then, my phone buzzed. Not my usual phone, but the old fliptop that I kept around for old times’ sake. I dug it out of my bag and flipped it open. Not many people knew I still had it, these days, and even fewer had the number. The message inside, however, was from me. From the number belonging to the phone currently stuck into the back pocket of my jeans.

_Do the time travel, 7 years ago. Trust me, it all works out. Reparo fixes your phone, potentias charges it. Just remember to keep it topped up._

I’m still absorbing this when my phone buzzes again.

_Good luck for the exams coming up, I’m so glad I don’t have to do them because the last politics lecture I sat through was seven years ago. PS don’t try to reply, I won’t get it_

I turned to head back into the shop, almost bumping into my dad on his way out.

“Hey dad, I think I’m going to Hogwarts.”

He looked down at me, concerned. “What? I thought you didn’t want to go.”

I shrugged. “I changed my mind. Hey Miriam, where do I get my wand?”

Miriam appears from behind the counter. “If you aren’t going to Hogwarts, you shouldn’t be getting one.”

“Changed my mind,” I told her cheerfully. “Do I have to go to Diagon Alley?”

She shook her head. “No, there’s an Alley just through this way. You’ll be happy to hear they take New Zealand dollars.”

“Oh good. But more importantly, do they take credit?

She laughed. “No, but that’s more due to the difficulty of getting the machines set up. This way, please.”

I stared. “That’s a mirror.”

“Of course. After you?”

From behind me, Dad says, “We can’t go exploring, the parking is going to run out.”

I grimaced. “Can I at least go have a look?”

“Okay, but don’t take too long.”

I walked right up to the mirror. Prodded its surface; it seemed solid enough, but the image distorted slightly, like ripples on a pond. I looked back at Miriam and she nodded encouragingly. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and stepped forward.

When I opened my eyes, I stood in a small alleyway, rough cobblestones beneath my feet. It was not entirely dissimilar to the alleyways that branched off Courtney Place and Dixon Street, except I was willing to bet the brightly coloured storefronts sold more interesting things than craft beer.

Miriam appeared beside me, pointed towards a store to our left. “That’s the wand store there, but she’ll be closing soon. Perhaps you should come back tomorrow.”

“I have class tomorrow,” I told her, “but I will be back sometime. Maybe during exams?”

Miriam smiled. “ You are welcome any time.”

I took one last look around, then we stepped back into the real world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has to be one of the weirdest things I've ever written. Also, yes, I do have two diaries and two phones. Direct self-insert ftw! Now I just need my letter to come...


End file.
